Answering Machine and Voice Mail Messages

When you don't know what to say on your answering machine message, you can read these ideas to help you decide the best route to go.  Sometimes being funny is appropriate, but other times you need a serious and more general messages.

Funny Answering Machine Messages

These are examples of funny answering machine messages that can be used to play tricks on people on April fools day or for any other reason.  Be careful about what you put on your messages, because your employer may call you and get the message.  These are not recommended if you are expecting a call back after an interview.

1. This is Mysterious Maggie’s psychic services.  We were expecting your call and already know what you were going to call about but if it makes you feel better you can leave a message after the beep.
2. If you got this phone number it means you have been rejected by someone who did not want to give you his or her real number.  Sorry about your luck.
3. If you’re hearing this message then it means I am already dead.  What I’m about to tell you is extremely important so listen closely… BEEP!
4. Welcome to the automated psychiatric testing service.  If you hear a beep in a few seconds you are hallucinating and should immediately leave a crazy message.
5. We’re sorry; this call could not be completed as dialed. Please hand up and try again.
6. This phone number is no longer in service.
7. Leave a message at the tone and I might call you back… If I want to
8. This number has been disconnected (busy signal)
9. Thank you for your call.  You have now been added to the national telemarketing call list and will begin to receive unsolicited telemarketing calls every 15 minutes.  Thank you for opting in.  We’re sorry, but at this time there is no way for you to opt out.
10. Thank you for calling to participate in this national survey about answering machine messages.  Please rate the following as always, sometimes, or never in respect to your leaving answering machine messages: I leave messages on other people’s answering machines. If you answered ‘never’ please explain your answer after the beep.

General Answering Machine Messages

These answering machine messages are the type that most people leave.  These can be used for more serious settings such as your business or home phone.

1. You know what to do
2. Thanks for calling.  Just leave a message and we’ll get back with you.
3. We’re sorry we can’t answer the phone right now, but we would love to get back with you as soon as we can.  Just let us know what we can help you with and leave a number for us to get back with you soon.